When my first child was born 13 years ago, I was thrilled to be a mom and
so in love with my son. It was the moment I had been looking forward to for
months. My husband and I had decided that I would become a stay-at-home mom
and I was looking forward to all the time I could spend with my son. After
a few months of adjusting to becoming a mom, I started to feel lonely. I
had given up my job and while I was still head over heels in love with my
son, something vital felt missing. I realized quickly that it was adult
interaction. Whether you are a working mom or a stay-at-home mom, have one
child or five children, struggling through the exhausting days and
sleepless nights of babies and toddlers or the busy schedules of school-age
kids, you need a tribe. Many moms define their tribe as other women who
understand where they are in life without having to explain a single thing.
They get you, they accept you and they cheer you on as you struggle your
way through it. If you are feeling lonely and are seeking a friend, or two,
to laugh and cry with through your current stage of motherhood, I encourage
you to find your tribe. Are you unsure of how to find your tribe? Here are
a few places to start.
Be open and accepting
The first step to finding authentic people who you can relate to and build
lasting relationships with is to be your true self. When you are an open,
honest and accepting person, you will encourage others to behave the same.
Be yourself, listen to what others have to say, accept others for who they
are and relationships will happen organically. It can be uncomfortable,
scary even, to put yourself out there, but the relationships far outweigh
the risk when you find true friends.
Common interests
There are times where finding people to start friendships with can be
challenging, especially when you have a big life change like a move,
becoming a parent or changing jobs. Take inventory of what you love to do
or what groups already exist that you could join. For example, if you love
running, join a running club. If you love to read, join or start a book
club. If you are a mom, join a playgroup or a mother’s group at a local
church. Does the PTA at your school need help? Would you consider being a
soccer coach or Boy Scout leader? All of these examples are great ways to
get involved in your community and make friends along the way. After the
birth of our triplets, I joined an online group of triplet moms. Four years
later, I am surprised to say that they are some of my closest friends and
one of my biggest support systems.
Give support and ask for it
One of the main things that makes a tribe so important is the support given
and received during the times when it is needed most. When my daughter was
hospitalized for several weeks, my mother’s group supplied meals, gave my
other kids rides to and from school, helped with childcare, sent flowers
and cards and basically kept my family going when my husband and I couldn’t
have done it on our own. They would not have known how to help if I hadn’t
reached out to them and asked. Asking for help can be hard for people who
are used to managing the family and are good at it, too; however, that
during difficult times friends want to help. Just ask. Conversely, it can
be such a blessing to help others when they need it. Giving a ride to
school, making a little extra food to share, sending a text or talking with
a friend when they need a listening ear – all of this doesn’t take much
extra effort, yet goes a long way toward building your tribe.
Finding your tribe can mean pushing yourself to step outside of your
comfort zone to reach out to others. While it is difficult to do at first,
once you find a group of friends who understands and supports you, it is
well worth the time and effort put into building and strengthening those
relationships.
